The thing most of us want in life is just to be happy and feel complete. Do not look to your friend to make you happy and fulfilled. They will feel your neediness and run a mile. We are all interdependent on each other as none of us exist alone. However we are not dependent on another in sense that we need them to experience happiness.
The meaning you give to any relationship is the meaning you give it. And you will act on that meaning believing it to be true. Be clear in your thoughts that it is you that is making it all up. You can review your life and say “ I am deeply sad, I can’t stand it...” or you can say to yourself “ I am not spending another sleepless night thinking this way...” Either way what you say will be what you experience.
View your life as a playwright who is living your own script. You can write and play out many different scenarios. Remember that good movie you last went to. There were lots of twists and turns that kept you on the edge of your seat and you would never have guessed the ending. In the end all you desire is to understand who you are and who others are in relationship to you.
If you are experiencing a series of relationships that do not last, then search within yourself for answers. Relationships do not last if you do not understand what you are doing in it. Create the joy and happiness from within yourself first, and others will find you. The reason they will do this is because what you have they want. And if after all that, that person still leaves you. Then I would say that you did not have it there to begin with. No one can take from you that which is in you.
So how do you get love if you do not have it to give it. You will not get it from the other person that is for sure. If you put that burden on your partner they will never be able to carry it. They will eventually see that there is a big hole within you that they cannot possibly fill. If you do not feel joy you will have no joy to give.
Think of relationships as a container in which you pour all that you are. Then you can reach into the pot and pull out whatever you wish to experience. Relationships are about giving and receiving. You cannot pull out of that container anything you have not put in. You will be making the biggest mistake of your life if you are waiting for someone to supply you what you are not prepared to give.
What you receive from a relationship is what you receive from yourself. Your illusion is that you receive it from another person. This is the big secret. Freedom is the essence of who you are. This is why, when you feel trampled on even just a bit, you feel rankled and diminished. If you feel your partner is making life miserable for you, you have a choice. All choices have outcomes. And a decision not to do anything is also your choice.
State your preferences in a relationship. This is a statement of who you are. If the other person does not agree with you, they merely have to notice what is being said. For instance if you do not like a smoked-filled environment, you can review your options and decide what to do. The unhappiness arises when you forget that you have a choice and cast yourself as a victim.
Relationships are a constant ebb and flow of an ever changing process in which there are no rules or restrictions. Everyone gets to choose their preferences and decisions are made. There is no right or wrong. You may be staying in the relationship because you are afraid to leave or you simply do not want to lose the person you love. Whatever the reason you are still making a free choice to stay. However, you may be noticing what it takes to stay versus the unknown if you leave.
Ideally what you would like to do is freely make a choice and declare that you had no choice. As a victim you are saying that you give your control and power away to the villain. Life at times places you at the point of ‘Rotten Choices’ when you are about to make an enormous breakthrough in your experience of who you are. Tough choices can be an announcement that it is ‘Jump Time’ for your awareness to take another leap in growth and strength.
Your choices in moments of ‘Jump Time’ are not ‘Rotten’ they are simply critical. Whether you chose to or not you will experience such critical choice points in your life. Do not shrink from them. They offer you a rare and breathtaking opportunity to leap forward in your evolution as a soul. The whole purpose of a relationship is to evolve. Do not think that a relationship does not work because it does not last. It all depends on its purpose. And there is no faster way to evolve than through the process of your relationship with another.