Building Inner Confidence with Mentoring

Building inner confidence is a life long journey.  When I was growing up in New Zealand I hid behind my mother’s dress when strangers came into the house.  I can still hear her words ‘children should be seen and not heard’.    At school I would hide behind another student so the teacher could not see me.  When authority figures asked me a question I would go bright red.  My mind would go completely blank and the words would not come out of my mouth.

On rare occasions however I did manage to pluck up the courage to share my opinion.  I still hear the laughter of the crowd on how ridiculous my suggestion was.  One day an inner voice said to me to go to Perth and find your meaning in life.  In Perth I came across group work and learnt about sharing in a non judgemental manner.

A funny thing happened with group work.  When I was willing to speak about my thoughts and feelings I found others were willing to do the same.  I discovered that what I had to share was of value to others and they also appreciated my feedback on them.  I felt an automatic lift in confidence each time we met and shared our thoughts and feelings on certain topics.  Slowly over time my belief in myself and my abilities grew in strength and a new habit pattern was formed.

As my inner trust and security in myself strengthened I got another revelation.  It did not matter what other people thought of me.  It mattered more what I thought about myself.  I realised through techniques that I had to own the problem if I got emotional in any situation. When I procrastinated I would ask my inner voice for help.  After participating in a number of courses I decided I would like to present them myself.

My next revelation came with public speaking.  People experienced in public speaking could see that I had a genuine desire to learn.  Because they saw my genuine desire to learn they had a genuine desire to help me. Desire for action is the very essence of building confidence.  Confidence building is synonymous with honesty.  You cannot fake honesty because other people who are experts in their topic fields will not be fooled.

I still have chat sessions over coffee with people I originally started group work 20 years ago.  Sometimes I would brainstorm ideas with a mentor. I discovered many ways of clarifying my thoughts without realising that it was exactly what I was doing.  I realised that if I wanted results my actions needed to be on the same path as my thoughts and feelings.

Nowadays I never leave home without my inner voice.  I talk to myself all the time. And yes I am still shy.  There are times I still push my husband to do things for me that I find a little awkward in doing.  The key with confidence building is the desire to take action. If you feel an obstacle is blocking you then look at different ways in which you could move pass the block.  Find a mentor, a self development course, or talk to your inner voice to help you grow your inner confidence. 

I came across a website about gaining confidence in relationships.  It seems to lean heavily towards men but I don’t see why it can’t be about gaining confidence for everyone in all sorts of situations.
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